Donor Offspring Voices


Donor Offspring Registry (DOM) believes that Donor Offspring can provide invaluable insight into the feelings associated with being a product of a donation.  Over the past 7 years, I have been involved in countless discussions with other parents traveling down the unknown road towards conceiving a child through donation.  Whether it be egg donation or sperm donation the path has always been unclear in terms of feeling and emotions. 

As parents, we can surmise what the process is.  We can quickly educate ourselves as to the steps necessary to become a parent.   As parents, our goal is quite simple.. we want a family.  We move to take the steps that are required.  What we can't see is what effect our choices have on our children.   I believe that parents can sit and discuss with other parents for the next 10 yrs and we will never gain true insight until we begin to hear from the children. 

It is for this reason that I'd like to create this page.  If you are a donor offspring, please consider sharing anything you feel is important.  As parents, we have a lot to learn... I'd like to ask that you help us... Please email me with any information you would like to share.  I realize that every child will feel differently and that is the beauty of this.  You will never be met with any criticism with DOM. 

Michael's Story (printed with permission of Michaels Parents)

I'm Michael and I'm 9.  My mom has been helping me find my biological father.  People ask me why I want to do that because I have a dad.  People don't understand why so I want to help them understand me.

My dad couldn't have children so they used a donor.  I love my dad and no one else will ever be my dad but I want to know who my father is. 

I am happy that I was born and never ever wish I wasn't.  but I want to know who my father is. 

I love my Nana and Papa but I wonder who my other Grandparents are. 

I just wonder a lot.  There is a whole part of me that I don't know anything about.  It is just questions and I'd like answers. 

I'm happy my mom and dad support me in trying to find my biological father.  I don't know what will happen when we find him but I'd be very happy to even have a picture of him.  If my parents didn't help me or support me, I'd feel very very sad.  I hope all parents will support their kids and not make them feel silly or bad for thinking about it.  I have the best dad in the world and wouldn't trade him for a million others but I do want to know who my biological dad is.  And that is OK.
 

Jenna's Story-Parent of Donor Conceived child

19 yrs ago I gave birth to a gorgeous, stunning baby with dark brown hair and blue eyes.  He has been a joy to raise and sometimes I can't believe this 6'2" young man is really mine! 

At times I would ponder what came from his biological father.  The sense of humor he has?  Or when I would see him sleep in the exact same way I sleep, I'd wonder what quirks he has from the donor that I don't know about.  For the most part, however, he has just been my son.  My partner and I planned for him, worked hard for him and he is our son.  We rarely thought of the donor although when we did, it was always with a huge feeling of gratitude!

At age 10, our son approached us with more questions about his 'dad'.  A term we struggled with.  A dad?  Ummm, no-in our family, you have two moms.  It took awhile for us to adjust to hearing 'dad' and realizing that in fact, he does have a dad.  Dad, father, donor, biological parent-they all mean the same thing.  Our reaction to the word was something that we had to deal with ourselves to help our son.

We answered all questions we could for him.  We never hid anything from him.  When he would say 'I wonder what he looks like?'.  We would echo the same with him.  And we did wonder.  There were times my partner was hurt.  She didn't want to feel as if he felt she was less of a parent to him.  It took soul searching and time to ease all the fears we had. 

I wouldn't say the search was ever top priority but we knew our son wanted to meet his father and we all agreed to work on it.  5 yrs into our search, we were put in contact with his biological father.  The sperm bank agreed to send a letter to him and he agreed to contact!  It was amazing.

The days leading up to the initial contact were full of intense emotions, fear, elation and so much more.  We wanted to thank this man for the wonderful gift of our son.  Our son wanted to meet his father.  He wanted answers to many questions. 

4 yrs ago we made that contact.  We all still have contact with him and our son has contact on a regular basis.  He has not assumed any role of a traditional father but they do speak from time to time.  I feel my son is more complete and settled. He knows what his father looks like.  He has answers to all the questions and things have come full circle.

We are also searching for our two younger children's biological father.  No luck yet but when it happens, we all look forward to that day. 

Thank you for establishing such a brilliant place for people like us to list our information.  I appreciate all you do!